Music and Bravery

I just got the Master back for my 5th solo album. I listened to it twice, on 2 different headphones and 2 locations - once in my house in pajamas with coffee and the other on my bike as I casually zipped around town. One listen-through is intense, zoned in, eyes closed. The other is taking in the environment. Bridges opening and closing over canals, construction site jackhammers, babies crying.

Am I background music? Do I command attention? I have no clue. But once I sign off on this album, I will never listen to it again. I’ve always done that. I don’t know if that’s weird or common. I think I read that Joni Mitchell does the same thing so I ain’t that crazy…

I call this Music and Bravery because it is scary putting out an album. Terrifying, actually. This now means that people can criticize you! Bash your songs! Compare you to others! The trolls come out! Yay! (I have the best trolls ever, by the way). I know now that it’s just a part of the industry fabric and I’ve sure as hell gotten used to it. But I’m going to try and be courageous and not invite that fear in this time round ‘cause ya look for it, it’s gonna come find ya.

I am planning to go to the Ukraine/Poland border this week (Przemysl to be exact) to volunteer with World Central Kitchen. I don’t know if it’s stupid or brave. But it’s in my heart so as of today, my flight is booked. I will chop vegetables and stir soup for 6 hours if I have to. I sometimes get a bit woozy with slight trepidation about going but I’m keeping an eye on every news pop-up and will decide based on what I feel the morning of my flight.

Putting an album out and going into a war zone are both terrifying. And for the record, I know I don’t NEED to say this because you are intelligent people reading this: I am not comparing an album release to a war. Every image of a Ukrainian refugee slices my heart. A life boiled down to what they can fit in their backpack. What would I carry in my backpack if this was my time to run in search of a new life? So, yeah. I am thinking about my fears today and what I’m willing to put on the line. How will I put one foot in front of the other…

There is a girl next to me in a coffee shop selfie-ing away. I wonder what her bravery is behind that sassy lip gloss. At the next table, 3 girls in hijabs and Converse high tops are giggling contagiously over dessert. I wonder what their bravery is. This new album is full of songs about all of these girls. How I’ve related to them in my life growing up in NYC, on tour in Europe or watching them live a different kind of life on one of my trips to Kenya. I’m singing about all of their/our bravery.

I’m going to get on my bike home now and maaaybe have 1 or 2 more listens to the new Master. This *might* be a good sign that I *think* I love my new album (did I just say that?) and for the first time in years, I am not as critical of my voice and the stories I sing. That’s my little sliver of bravery for today. Tomorrow it will hopefully be something else.

Photo by Caroline Le Duc